Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
