Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
