You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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