Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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