please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Use "feeling words"
Yay
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
