I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
