They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
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