i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
