is your mom at the bar?
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
that may or may not have been my penis.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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