Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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