Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
