weddingsv make me drug and hornr
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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