She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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