The maid of honor just puked.
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
