she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
