Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
