so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
