and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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