I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
