a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Randomize
