I only kidnapped one of them. chill
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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