you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
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