two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Randomize
