Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
