he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
