And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Randomize
