I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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