I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
