woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
