she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
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