is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I could make wine with my vomit
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
