You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
