on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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