when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
At least make sure they are 18
Why
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
