I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
