there was a trapeze. enough said
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
