do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
