Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Just pee around me
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Randomize
