Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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