I think I won the penis lottery.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
