We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
tell me about the fingering
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