Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize