Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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