I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
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