Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
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