she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
