Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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