Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
