It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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