dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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